You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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