He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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