she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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