My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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