Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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