Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
