you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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