i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
