I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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