I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Everclear isn't food dammit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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