Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
