it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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