I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
