tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize