in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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