he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
