I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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