none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
time to smoke my breakfast
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
