I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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