A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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