No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
