Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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