he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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