I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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