It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
is it fun? or sober?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
