He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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