You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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