I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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