she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
