When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
