you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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