There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
