There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
