Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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