i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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