There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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