there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
