Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
