im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
