This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
