Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
