she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
