So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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