i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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