What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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