sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
