How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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