Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
