just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
