It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ok first of all what the fuck
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize