Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
