On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
