Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize