so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
