So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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