would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
