Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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