pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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