I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
