She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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