Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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