I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
