yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
