If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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