I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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