I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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