Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
