Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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