it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
