i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
