I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
