ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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