So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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