He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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