just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So squirting runs in the family.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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