just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
