Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
