Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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