Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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