Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
