moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
