i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
