I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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