That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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