IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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