went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
